Swedish Moose
by Mister Diddums
Summary: Prussia wants to get laid. Bad Friend Trio nonsense with small bits of Spain/France  Rated M for Prussia's mouth.


"...Man I need to get laid."

Spain sat up from trying to balance a pencil vertically on his nose to look at his Prussian friend. France gave a glance then returned to his news paper and re-crossed his legs grinning. Prussia glared at him. "What are you grinning about Francis, you haven't gotten any either in the last few months."

France set the paper down on the table and rested his chin in the palm of his hand. He leaned slightly and his grin turned lewd and it was as though everyone in the room can hear his silent _'hon hon hon'_.

Gilbert felt his eye twitch. "No-"

"_Oui_. Last night."

"Fuck shit damnit you French whore I'm your best friend send some my way."

"As much fun as having a threesome is, I did not feel like sharing this particular time. _Peut-être que la prochaine fois_."

The white haired ex-nation dramatically sprawled his upper half on the conference table face down. He rolled side to side cursing before glaring to Spain who began to build a tower out of random items splayed about them. It was another World Meeting, and at the moment a break had commenced.

"Antonio you're my best friend too right?"

"Si, mi amigo." the pencil Spain had tried to balance earlier was slid carefully into the arm of England's tea cup and balanced there (it was also leaning dangerously on a set of manila folders labeled "important"). France eyed this action with a perverse interest.

"Do me."

"No."

"Why the fuck not?" Gilbert blanched with insult in his voice. He was the most awesome thing to ever fucking live! Antonio should feel honored someone as damnably awesome has him wants to be sexed up by him!

"Because it would be rude to not keep my promise to meet up with Francia again."

"...WHAT."

Francis looked downright smug.

Fuck so not only were his friends getting some and not him, but it was with each other; fuck his life with a goddamn blender. Actually the blender seemed appealing right about now he was feeling that damn desperate.

Yeah that's right Gilbert Beilschmidt would fuck a blender, and it'll be the best fuck it'll ever have. Anything he fucks always ends up feeling glorified and blessed. (_So he told himself and the rest of the world_)

Prussia ran down a random list in his chaotic and slightly touched mind a list of things he could fuck. He'd fuck the vary chair he sat in even, and the chair would love it.

Fuck Arthur's tea cup.

Fuck a snow man and it'd turn into a _lava man_ he'd fuck it so hot.

Fuck a bear; wrestle the bitch down and give it a good reason to hibernate.

_Not that he swung that way._

"What if I paid you?"

"Nope~"

"Ten million dollars?"

"Still no Prusia."

"France?"

"_Non_, just because you enjoy calling _moi une putain_ does not mean I am one. Everything I give is free~"

Prussia snorted and drummed his fingers on the table. "So you're saying not even if I pay you you'd do me."

"Oui."

"Si."

Prussia thought some more.

"So...let's say hypothetically speaking, would a moose have sex with me if I gave it ten million dollars?"

The three of them fell into a silence. Antonio broke it. "That's a lot of money."

"So, would it?"

"I guess it would depend on the moose..." Spain actually looked as though he was contemplating such an unrealistic notion.

France snorted in amusement at his two friends. "Depends _mon ami_. If it were a genetically enhanced moose with the brain power equal to yours capable of speech." the French nation was being sarcastic really.

Gilbert pouted "Har, har very funny." Antonio blinked, not catching on, and pondered if there really was such a way to make a Moose.

Just them Sweden followed Finland dutifully in to the room; break time was about to be called over. Prussia grinned something mischievous and called out to the Swedish nation. "Oi Sweden, where can I find some horny, naughty mooses-es?"

Sweden gave them a look (which was suppose to be a cross between "wtf" and "you're weird don't talk to me" but to everyone in the room it came off as "I have an ax and you're it") and sat in his seat next to an equally baffled Finland. The Trio snickered to themselves at their newest inside joke.

Prussia cackled "Ah those filthy Swede's, God bless 'em."

Spain smiled, but otherwise looked lost. "I don't get it."

"You don't need to _mon cher_, but if you wish I can _explain_ it to you later~" France leered.

"Ah, gracias Francia!"

Prussia glared and cursed both of them.

Unbeknownst to the Trio, or rather they didn't feel the need to care much less pay any attention to what was going on around them, the North American brothers sat to the left of them. Canada looked pale and hid his face in his hands. Images kept pouring into his head and refused to go away.

America snort-laughed into a half eaten burger. "_Canadian History_."

"Shut the fuck up Al."

* * *

**I made this as a birthday gift for someone actually lolololol D;**

**WEIRD GIFT STORY I KNOW BUT SHE LOVED IT.**

**Ilubby3**

**Based off of this:**

**http: /www . youtube. com/ watch?v= pB8yLiJnsxY**

**And for those who don't understand the "Canadian History" joke:**

**http: / www. Urbandictionary .com/ ?term= canada% 27s%20 history**

**Translations:**

**Peut-être que la prochaine fois = Maybe next time**

**Si, mi amigo = Yes, my friend**

**Francia, Prusia = Spanish for France and Prussia**

**moi une putain = me a whore**

**Idon'townHetaliadamnit.**


End file.
